Monday, September 19, 2016

THE MORNING SIDE HUSTLE

You wake up and prepare to go to work; have someone (mostly the soja) clean your car for at the minimum 100 bob. 
You live in Eastlands and work in Westlands. You own a saloon car that you utilize for your daily commute.
A rare flash of inspiration told you that you can actually save money by picking four people waiting for public transportation at the stage near your house. Or you just saw others doing it and concluded that it is viable.
And so every morning, like clockwork, you stop by the stage to pick up four strangers who work in Westlands so as to cushion your transport expenses. Sometimes you’ll have your passengers within a minute, other times it may take up to 5 minutes.
Nairobians can be distrusting at times. Some will glare at you and decline, especially the pretty girls. Some will come in bundles and won’t be willing to leave their friends behind. 
Eventually though, you’ll get your passengers and zoom off. Zoom off? Who am I kidding, there’s the Jogoo road traffic jam. Undeterred though, and being a mjanje you perform a 3 point turn and opt for the Isilii route. Here you’re expected to tackle the humongous craters around Kimathi estate and those untarmacked vichochoros that ma3s use. Every hard knock underneath your car reminds you that the shocks and springs were not designed for four well-fed Nairobians who are now bonding, as you curse at matatus blocking roads or overlapping.
You ask one of them to collect the chums -of course there's the usual "uko na change ya thao?" who hopes you'll just give up on looking for loose change and give a free ride. But a hustler must get his dues. Change tutatafuta.
Once in a long while your car may stall either due to a malfunction or run out of fuel. Trust me you want the latter to happen. If it thankfully is the reason for stalling, your four strangers will (still) abandon you as you retrieve that mtungi ready for a brisk and dusty walk to the nearest petrol station. It could have been worse, you mutter to yourself, as you duck bodabodas using sidewalks.

Now onto the numbers:
Fare from Eastlands to town: 60 bob per head on peak hours
Fare from Town to Westlands: 30 bob head on peak hours
Your morning collection: a handsome 360 bob!
Your car’s fuel needs to get to Westy: minimum 500 bob, dependent on engine size, traffic jam and driving skills. It may fluctuate to 800 bob
Morning carwash: 100 bob
-You stopped for 5 min at the stage for 360 bob
-You had to stand foreign body odors, muddy shoes on your car, and unpalatable conversations for 360 bob.
-You risked a criminal being among your haul and commandeering your Toyota to some open field behing Kiambiu slums
-You’re happy though that it only costs you 240 bob on good days to get to Westy.
Jioni will take care of itself.
And the cycle continues.

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